So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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