thus making me awesome and them whores
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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