We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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