How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
A bitchslap is in order.
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