I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
