I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
