can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
