When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
