Can Purell be used as lube?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
