is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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