WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
