you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
