sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
