fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
