dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
