She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
