that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
