Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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