What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
