apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I came so hard my ears popped.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
