Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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