Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
