my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
