She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Alive.
So much puke
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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