24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
