i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
