He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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