Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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