He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
