speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just gargled with NyQuil
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
