Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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