so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
