im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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