So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
