this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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