operation harelip BJ is a go
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
