U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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