The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
