Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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