The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
