i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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