he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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