I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
