then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
