I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
