If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
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