the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
