And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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