I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just had sex on a roof
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
