new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
