Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
