I'm going to jail i love you
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Redeem this text for a blowjob
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
