i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
