Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
