hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
