I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
