You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
