I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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