I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
